We’re all in this together – I get that. We’re all on our own personal rollercoasters at the moment, and none of us are alone. I’m riding it with Anxiety and Depression.
There isn’t much to get excited about during lockdown. Amazon deliveries have really been my highlight. I’m not great at staying in touch with people at the best of times, but it’s even harder now that nobody can leave the house to do anything. So there’s nothing to talk about, nothing to ask about. It all feels a bit bleak and pointless right now.
As a Mental Health First Aider, I feel well-equipped to deal with the changes we’ve all had thrown at us. But it’s tiring. It’s tiring trying to stay positive. It’s tiring trying to look for the good in the situation. It’s tiring trying to hold it all together. It’s tiring trying to remain motivated and productive.
The thing that really gets to me is not knowing how long this is going to last. So there’s no date that I can focus on, look forward to and think “Ah…that’s the day I can visit my family / go to the pub with my friends” etc… And yes, I understand that these are ‘first world problems’, but it’s all relative. These concerns are valid. This is the bubble I live in, these are the issues that concern me, these are the things that have my head working in overdrive. Anyone with Anxiety knows how difficult a change to routine can be and how scary the unknown is.
My head wasn’t the most rational of places before this kicked off. But I’d found balance. I enjoy my job, I took up some hobbies – I was even going to night classes! I was doing voluntary work, I was mentoring. I felt like I was getting on top of life and taking control.
I’m very well aware of the fact that there are many, many people who have it much worse than I do, and I really feel for them. I hope you’re all looking after yourselves, and doing whatever you need to do to get through the day. For the sake of self-preservation, I’ve decided to focus on myself a bit more. I wouldn’t normally have such a moan about things, because I’m conscious of it sounding like a self-indulgent “woe is me” type whinge. But equally I encourage people to speak out about what’s troubling them, so I’m taking my own advice for a change.
I’m sure there will be many positives to come from this period of lockdown – saving lives being the obvious one! But being in lockdown with mental health issues, it can be difficult to see beyond what’s going on in your own head. It’s not a fun place to be trapped with your thoughts without the distraction of “normal” everyday life.
So for now, instead of thinking about all the things I miss, I’m trying to be more positive and think about them as “things I’m looking forward to doing”. Hugging people! Seeing my family and friends. Flapping their dogs ears! Being back in the office. Going to the pub after work. Holidays can wait. Everything I need is right here.
Stay safe everyone. Physically and mentally. Don’t bottle things up. If you need help – ask for it! You deserve it. If you feel like you have nobody you can talk to, you can contact the Samaritans on 116 123. Remember that you have everything to look forward to. Lockdown will be over one day, and we’ll all be reunited. And before long we’ll remember all the things that annoyed us about life pre-lockdown, and we’ll be rolling our eyes and muttering under our breath at people not looking where they’re walking. Just like the good old days!
Until then, look after yourselves, and look after each other. We’ll get through this.
See you on the other side!
Debi 🙂
If you need help but don’t know who to turn to, you can find a wealth of resources here. Don’t suffer in silence. Pick up the phone.
